Bang Bang
by Yutora
Summary: Self-insert. Bunch of swearing. "Thinking isn't something that is suited for Yu, considering that most of the things she believes to happen usually end up completely different. A day she would have spent at the bar drinking with Revy and Dutch, turns out to be one of clinging to life and cursing everyone."


**Warning:** Oh yeah. . . there is a whole bunch of swearing. Law likes swearing, and my unusual cursing is mixed in there as well - you'll notice it when you see it. So, just a warning, don't read if you don't like.

**I do not own any of the Black Lagoon Characters or anything of their little world.**

******Bang Bang**

* * *

I _thought_ it was going to be an uneventful day. I _believed_ all I was going to do was swing by Benny's place in Roanapur and drop off the hard drive containing the games he had been pestering me for. It had been a week since I woke up from a dirty bench somewhere inside the city, near club heart, utterly lost about my whereabouts. It took me a few days to adjust to the fact that _somehow_ I had gotten sucked into the show I so clearly loved.

After running around lost and quite annoyed, I managed to run into a few of the characters I had been so accustomed to seeing through a screen. My initial reaction was to stare, poke and probe, though I figured that would come across as fairly odd. It took a moment for shock to wear off and be replaced by utter confusion as they took me in as though they had known me for years.

I woke up in a new fucking universe - and no, it didn't matter how much I liked it - this shit was still not okay. And the fact that I actually had a damn apartment here, not to forget that they ended up telling me I was acting weird, as though I had never seen them before (well fuck, I hadn't, at least not where I could physically touch them), it was all just too much for my brain to take in just then.

I still felt a bit queasy after the first day or two, but as days ended up going by rather smoothly I started to actually be happy about the situation. _Fuck reason and logic!_ I was here and I would most certainly enjoy it while I could, because really, when does this shit usually happen? Still, my first thought after realizing just exactly which show, had been not so happy:

_"Couldn't fucking choose a safer place to drop me into."_

That's all that swam through my mind for awhile. Until I was finally okay with the fact that: no life was not fair, so why should it be when sending you off into a show you loved? Sure, just go ahead and throw me into one where I can't just lay back and enjoy the ride. And clearly, I had forgotten how dangerous Benny's co workers were - I mean, it had been quite awhile since I've last found myself watching the show, years really. I liked them well enough; Revy was a hoot to party with and Dutch was a great drinking buddy, all in all it was turning out to be a well spent time.

But still, I should have realized that it would not stay as easy going. For a moment, I had honestly forgotten just what exactly went down in Black Lagoon. My brain should have known it wasn't all happy fucking go round and I shouldn't have _figured_ that the day would end with the four of us at a bar, drinking and swapping jokes. What I thought was so far from normal for these guys, I really should have just known better the minute I headed out to Benny's; safe and quiet wasn't something that would ever really be part of their lives.

**.**

**. . .**

**.**

I decided to take a bike down the windy and broken cobbled roads to the "office" that Benny worked in. I say "office" because the Lagoon Company changed buildings far too often. They were either shot up, set on fire, collapsed, or a combination of all three. I was pretty lucky to have not come across one of those incidents yet, and I appreciated that fact. This time, the Black Lagoon crew had set up office in an old stucco building that smelled strongly of glue and chicken shit, not something you would really get used to and I still do not understand how they could stand the smell.

Once the building came into view, I jumped off the bike and left it outside the doorless entrance, knowing fully well that it would be stolen before I had even made it up the stairs._ No loss,_ not like it had really been mine to start with, besides, I'd borrow someone else's on my way out. Bikes were passed around more than a cheap prostitute.

The stairs groaned dangerously as I trudged my way up them and for a brief panicking moment I found myself thinking they wouldn't hold me. But they survived a boot-stomping rampage every day from Revy and to my relief, held up under my feet as well. The air in the building was heavy and I could feel the foul stench of it absorb into my clothes; I cringed at the thought of how disgusting I would be smelling at the end of my time spent in here. The stairwell and the hallway were unlit but the door to the office was ajar and light poured out, as did faint music.

I rapped on the door and ignored the termites that crawled out and away from the frame. They should really try finding something that didn't look like it was about to fall apart on its own when setting up office. "Benny," I called out as I pushed the door open, no longer anticipating an answer and stepped in. Mercifully, the windows in the room were thrown open, the heat and offensive smells were able to escape.

A breeze was carried through the room, filling it with fresh air and my lungs were grateful for it. My friend had set up his laptop in a far corner of the room, where wires covered the desk like tangled vines. The place seemed empty of any of its inhabitants. The ashtray on the table to the left was filled with cigarettes and a few alcoholic beverages lay strewn across the area, an empty pizza box was hanging dangerously on the edge of the table. It was a bit messy, to say the least.

"_Yu!_ You're here!" Benny's voice rang through the place as he emerged from another room, running a hand through his frizzy mess of blond hair. His bright orange hawaiian shirt was wrinkled and looked as if it had been worn for several days, which I wouldn't doubt. Food stains were worn like badges of honor and I made a mental note to get him some new shirts for his next birthday.

"I'm glad you made it," he exclaimed and swooped me up into a hug, lifting my feet off the floor. Strands of my hair swung into my eyes and hid the smile I was sporting. "Did you bring me _Aliens of Mount Olympus?_" He said a bit too loudly into my ear.

As I pushed lightly at his chest, indicating that he was pretty much suffocating me in that cruddy shirt of his, he squeezed me a little more before setting me down again. "Well, I brought: _Aliens of Mount Olympus, Spy Cow of Shredders,_ and _Bloodyyards Chicken,_" I murmured while reaching into my bag. It took a moment before I pulled out the indie games and wagged the external hard drive containing them at him. "Just so you know, you owe me."

Benny grinned from ear to ear and nodded. "Sure thing. Want to stay and have a beer with me now?" It wasn't a beverage I really preferred, considering that to me it tasted like piss would, but before I could even answer, the room started to shake with the sound of boots stampeding up the stairs. Mere seconds later the door was thrown open in such a brash manner that a loud cracking resounded through the room as the doorknob embedded itself into the wall behind it. My initial reaction was to curse whoever thought it was okay to scare the hell out of me like that, but I decided against it as Revy came barrelling into the room.

"Time to fuckin' move it Benny," the brown haired gunslinger shouted at my friend. "The Samoan Gang Sons are on our fucking asses!" Her voiced boomed loudly, vibrating in the very core of my self and a nervous feeling started to nibble at my insides. Behind Revy, a japanese man hurried in, clutching a package to his chest. _Well hello new guy,_ and didn't he look to be the odd one out. I raised my eyebrow and opened my mouth to question who he was when Benny grabbed my arm.

"Come on, we'll have that drink on the boat. We need to move before they catch up," his voice was urgent but he was grinning as he held his laptop stripped of all it's wires to his chest. "We'll leave the back way."

"What's the back-" I was cut off as he spun me around and shoved me out through another room and onto a small balcony. Revy was already leaping over the railings and jumping off the second story. That's when my brain finally decided to work a bit faster and the exact meaning of _back door_ clicked. I tried to backpedal, tried to insist to Benny that I'd just take the stairs because _really_, this wasn't anything that would ever be on my daily agenda and I had no desire to even place it there. Though that suggestion was quickly snatched from my tongue, seeing as the one and only normal way out was already rumbling, much louder than it had before when Revy decided to burst into the room, with the sounds of boots and angry voices shouting in tongan. _This was not going to end well, no fucking way._

The japanese man was already at my side and he took my hand, shaking it. "I'm Rock," he introduced himself at that wildly-inappropriate moment. And I found myself startled as he even decided to give me an encouraging smile and a small squeeze to my fingers. "Don't worry, we'll be fine. . . hopefully." The afterthought in his casual tone made me freeze and stare.

There was a definite chill in the air, it was too loud for my liking, the atmosphere was heavy as though mocking my discomfort and the people had lost their common sense. My mind gave up on trying to find anything to grasp onto so I wouldn't lose my moment of sanity, and my body decided that it was time to shake like a coward. My knees did nearly give in the exact moment Benny took the time to push me over the railing and off the balcony. I screamed, for sure that I was going to crack my skull open and die even if it was only two stories. My heart leapt into a sprinting marathon that would put Usain Bolt to shame, and I could not stop torturing the night with my cry.

I didn't die though, and I started to curse Benny when I landed face first into a pile of burlap sacks. Sound became muffled, but I could hear the roar of an engine fire up and I felt two other bodies land beside me. Everything started moving and when I finally lifted my head up, I found myself in the back of a truck, the bed padded with burlap sacks full of plant leaves.

I barely had time to catch my breath when gunshots rang out, bittersweet and clear in the night's air. I flinched and ducked my head, hands flying up to cover myself. "Holy fucking shit! Motherfucking titty cunt shit! Son of a fucking treasonous goblin," I screamed. The gunslinger propped herself up next to me and started returning fire as we pulled away from the building. It was an orchestra of consistent gunshots and I hated it, fucking despised it. Wonderful, another Black Lagoon company building shoot up. From my knowledge, that made four this year.

Benny was leaning over the side to the driver's window as the truck bounced down the roads to the harbor. "Dutch," He shouted over the gunfire and rattle of the car. His body swayed whenever the car swerved and I kept losing my balance, something I didn't have much of anyway. "What happened?" I couldn't catch the captain's response as I struggled to pull myself upright again.

"Are you alright?" Rock nearly yelled into my ear. He was kneeling beside me, lightly touching my shoulder and looking over me with concern. "I'm sorry you're getting dragged into this."

For moments I couldn't help but just stare at him, my brain wasn't quite functioning. I was still lost on the fact that I had been thrown off a damn balcony and shot at."Dragon spewing bastards! What the _hell_ is this?" I finally managed to gasp, grabbing his own shoulder for balance. My hands were shaking and so was the rest of my body. I was starting to panic, really fucking panic. "Oh fuck, whatthe bloody hell!" My voice started to rise.

Rock had the decency to look apologetic, unlike my supposed friend Benny who had already seemed to have forgotten I was there. The japanese grasped my elbow to help support me as the car swerved yet again and veered around other cars, nearly ridding the world of a pedestrian or two. "Blame Rev," He stated with a smile that was a bit too calm for my liking. "She started it."

"The motherfucker started it!" Revy interjected with a yell.

"He tried to pay you a compliment, and you punched him in the face!"

Conversation halted as the truck slammed on its breaks and I was thrown against the back of it. My head buzzed as stars decided to prance before my lids. I groaned, clenching my teeth in an attempt to keep myself from snapping completely and just going berserk on everyone.

The smell of the marine filled my nostrils and I grimaced as I pulled myself back up. Whereas Benny liked to be on the water, I detested it. The motion sickness was setting in just with the briny stench. I couldn't stand being too far out in the water, panic would settle along my bones and cling to my being until my feet were on land again. "I think I'll just walk home, guys," I mumbled, more to myself than anyone else since Revy and Dutch had already abandoned the truck and were climbing aboard their boat. My stomach turned and I had to take a deep breath to calm it.

An arm wrapped around my waist the moment I managed to jump from the truck and land ungracefully so, on my knees. _This shit wasn't made for me_, the distinct thought fought its way into my mind as Benny hauled me to my feet. "Come on, can't stay here, they're coming." I looked up and yes, they were coming. From up the hill, I could see another truck racing towards us, with people leaning out the side and shooting guns into the air. A moan danced from my lips and a frown settled along my features. Once again, Benny pushed me like a rag doll, away from the truck - I would have to have words with him later about this new act of his.

"I am not part of this, and I am not going on your little boat to be shot at!" I protested. The day had been long enough and I was starting to regret the fact that I actually thought I would have a peaceful stay here. Benny grinned, grabbing my hand as Rock grabbed the other and started to drag me down the dock. The sound of my boots scratching against the ground rang clearly in my ears as I refused to even move an inch of my being to help them, and the feeling of unease kept growing by the second, eating me inch by inch.

"No, you can't fucking make me," I started to yank my hands away but gunfire rang out, much closer this time. The sound managed to make me scream and halt my heart. I peeked over my shoulder the same moment the Samoan Gang Sons pulled up next to our truck. Well, slammed into the side of it would be more precise. I winced at the damage and the image of how it could have ended if we had actually still been in there. Angry men started to jump from their truck, I didn't have to be standing next to them to feel the dangerous vibe streaming from their pores. Well damn, my decision was made in no time: "It's a great day to be out on the water! Let's go," I yelled with far too much enthusiasm and pulled free of both of the sturdy hands around my own, immediately bolting down to the dock, nearly tripping over my own feet. I rushed to leap after Dutch and Revy.

Scurrying across the deck, I pressed myself flat against the cabin, trying to be as small a target as possible. Revy on the other hand, decided to paint a bullseye on me as she threw me a hand gun and snarled: "fire and shoot those cocksuckers."

Firing and shooting those cocksuckers would have been a lot easier if I hadn't lost my grip on the handle as we jerked away from the pier. It would have been easier still, if some of the angry gang men hadn't decided to leap on our boat as well. It would have been so fucking easy if I wasn't a clumsy bastard just waiting to die by the hand of an ant. Behind them, I could see another boat chasing after us. As I scrambled to grab my gun again, a bullet pinged off the deck, inches from my hand. That certainly managed to make me freeze and I looked up to see an ugly faced guy sneering down at me with several teeth missing and the business end of his gun pointed directly at my nose. _I really should have not gone to Benny's today._

"Where's the hard drive, faggots?" One of the men shouted, moving in on us. "Give it back to us and we won't shoot too many holes in ya"

I couldn't do anything but hold my breath and hope he wouldn't go on with his promise, I really wasn't too excited about the thought of a bullet going through any part of me. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the lithe fingers of the japanese holding the gunslingers gun hand steady, stilling her own desire to fire. I tried to shake my head at them and squeaked, "I don't have a hard drive."

"Don't give me that bullshit, I know you fucking took it!" Another man fired his gun again at the deck, I flinched and Revy instinctively fired back into his chest. Blood sprayed in an arc across the deck, splashing along one of the portholes by the door and staining Rock's white business shirt. As my breathing grew shallow and I went numb, I could only think that it was awfully weird Rock was dressed in a business shirt and pants with a tie.

The man that had been shot staggered back and fell off the boat, disappearing into the churning water. I could hear the safeties of several guns click off and every man tensed. My mind shifted, raced against all the thoughts of death and wished for some miracle moment of a random ass character that had some hero syndrome to appear. _That usually happened in anime, right?_

Rock stepped between Revy and the men, holding up his hands placatingly as he stepped to my side. "Just calm down now-" A broad shouldered male whipped his gun to the mans face and shook it.

"Which one of you has it? The fucking girl?!" The gun gestured at me.

"I don't have it," I mumbled again, the breath stuck in my throat. "I swear."

I didn't have time to even think before the man who had done most of the yelling lunged forward and grabbed a handful of my hair, yanking me upwards. His gun was shoved under my chin and I hissed in pain at the chilly kiss of metal. Every inch of my being froze. "Then one of you fucking hand it over or I'll blow this bitch's brains out."

_Terrific_, this was how I was going to die; thanks to stupid Benny and his stupid friends and that stupid motherfucking game I just had to bring him today. Okay, I couldn't be too mad at Rock. He hadn't thrown me off a building and he hadn't angered this gang, in fact he had been nice to me from the very moment of our weird little encounter. Maybe I should be pissed at whatever frilly little sneaky deity decided it was a hilarious attempt at humour to throw me into this damn universe and make me suffer. Whatever the hell I did wrong in my life, I found myself apologizing for it.

I turned slightly as I dared to look at both Revy and Rock. Behind them, in the open door, I could see Benny frozen, staring out at us in genuine fear - that was a nice new expression on his face. He must have told Dutch what was happening because the boat slowed to a stop and as it did everything stilled, I didn't even dare to inhale. Revy was tensed, ready to fire as both hands pointed guns over Rock's shoulders, he on the other hand was calm and holding up a hand. Again, I prayed to anyone that the brown haired woman didn't just randomly decide to show them why she's called Two-Hands.

"Alright. . . fine, we don't want anymore violence. I'll give you the hard drive."

"Rock!" Revy started to protest but Rock shook his head sharply. He stepped forward and pulled a hard drive from his back pocket, then moved to extend his hand and I was amazed to see how steady he was. If only I had the confidence this guy had; I was a shivering wreck at their feet.

"We apologize for the trouble we've given you," Rock told them politely. The hand that held my hair threw me forward, releasing me to take the hard drive. I stumbled and fell flat on my face. Struggling to get back to my feet, I rubbed at the back head, knowing that I would be having a headache in just a few. I could hear the other boat pull up beside us and I couldn't help but think that this was a stupid move. Now they had the hard drive _and_ they were going to kill us all. I blamed Benny.

"Now fucking step off or you cocksuckers can see how well it works at the bottom of the bay," Revy snarled, motioning for them to get off with her guns. Inwardly, I groaned and switched the blame to Revy. Suspicious looks were exchanged, but to my surprise and great relief, they moved off our boat and onto theirs. With their guns still trained on us, they pulled away, turned and started speeding back to shore. Revy waited a few more seconds before rounding on Rock.

"Why the fuck did you give it to them, you stupid ass idiot," Revy yelled, raising the butt of her gun to smack against Rock's arms, which had curled protectively around his head.

He tried to inch away as Benny shoved past them and came to my side. He hoisted me up by my armpits and then held me at arms length. "Are you alright?" He asked frantically. I couldn't help but glare at him, trying to muster up the strength to throw a Revy-size fit and completely nullify every bit of his existence while I bathed in his fucking blood.

"Besides, she has it," Rock cried, ducking behind Dutch as he emerged onto deck. The solidly-built black man easily held Revy and Rock apart as he looked at me.

"You have it?" He arched an eyebrow.

"I have it?" I parroted back, staring back at Rock. Alright, he was off my nice list, the traitorous little kobolds shit was trying to direct Revy's anger at me. Just fuck the world and all its inhabitants.

Rock nodded and pointed at my bag that had hung at my side this whole ordeal. I looked down and reached in to withdraw the hard drive that contained the game. "It's just the stupid game Benny wanted," I clarified, looking over at my friend to give him an evil look. I was definitely going to murder him for this. "And I'm tempted to throw it overboard."

"Don't do that. It's the one with the drug laundry files on it," Rock corrected me. The four of our heads swiveled to stare at him and he shrugged. "I switched them in the truck," he admitted mildly.

Dutch seized the hard-drive in my hand and disappeared back into the boat, presumably to check. I shook off Benny and hugged myself, rubbing the goosebumps away that had emerged through all the bullshit happening. I took a few deep breaths, calming my body and mind as I turned to move closer to Rock. "So that means. . ."

"They have my game," Benny finished, a grin growing on his face. I was really starting to hate his stupid grin. "They have _Aliens of Mount Olympus_." He threw his head back and hooted with laughter, and even Revy cracked a smile while Rock nodded in approval and joined with a grin of his own.

"Good thing too," Dutch said as he returned, holding up the wanted hard drive. "I doubt Balalaika would have appreciated it." He tossed the hard drive to Benny and gestured for him to follow. "Come on, we can upload it to her now." Benny winked at me as he moved back inside and I resisted the urge to flip him off. I was having an inner battle: I really wanted throw him overboard, show him just how much _fun_ it was to be thrown off of things and panic in belief of your immediate death.

"Ha, good one!" Revy complimented as she slapped the back of my shoulder and I lurched forward, thrown off balance by her strength. Any harder and she would have broken some bones. Rock caught me though, holding my elbow and steadying me as she cackled and ducked inside the cabin.

"I'm sorry you got involved in this," the japanese man confessed. "I hope we didn't scare you too badly. I would hate for you to think badly of us." I had to laugh, that was all my brain managed to bring up. The guy was too sweet for my shit list and I made a mental note to put him back on my good list permanently. I mean, if I was going to spent a long ass time in this world, I might as well try and have someone nice on my side. Maybe I'd survive that way.

"Don't worry," I reassured him, patting his shoulder. I let out a long sigh, staring up at the starry sky, lost in the moment of a nice breeze and the feeling of motion sickness. "I should've known something like this would happen."

* * *

**Author's Note:**

This is the first fanfiction that has ever been attempted by me. Basically, this is a lovely collab with a friend of mine: Law, who likes to save my ass and who is forever deemed my editor. By the way, this was written for a contest, so if you do end up reading it somewhere else, that's me. Though, my name on every website tends to be the same, so you'll know anyway.

**Re-Upload: Eh. Yay for title issues? :c (( ****The actual title was _"Shitty Shitty Bang Bang"_ ))**


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